Praising Children

We parents want what’s best for our children. No argument there, right? We want them to succeed and be happy. For most of us that means we tell them how smart, beautiful, athletic, etc. they are from the day they are born. Unfortunately, in doing so, we are setting them up for failure! Are you skeptical? Here’s a great article on this very subject: http://nymag.com/news/features/27840

I’m guilty of praising my children for their intelligence. Now that they’re in their twenties, I’ve seen the consequences. College was too hard (too much work) and after a few semesters, they dropped out. Thankfully, my daughter has a good job with opportunities for training and advancement. My son is still trying to find his way. I have faith that he’ll get there some day.

Seeing the errors of my ways, I’m trying to modify my praise in the classroom. I’m praising my students for their efforts. I’m also trying to be very specific so they know exactly what they’re doing well.

“Effort is everything” is one of my favorite sayings in the classroom. Yesterday I quietly took one of my students aside and told him how proud I was of his efforts. Because he was willing to work hard, he made two years’ progress in reading in this one school year!

I’m pretty certain I can tell which children in my class have been praised for intelligence at home. Just like the article said, these students give up easily and choose easier tasks where they know they’ll have success. I worry about them. Success is tied to your ability to work through difficult tasks. “When the going gets tough, the tough get going” is another of my favorite sayings.

Have you listened to how you praise your child lately? Perhaps it’s not too late for your family.